Warning: Long personal entry. Feel free to skip.
I’ve always had a challenging relationship with schooling and academia. On the one hand, these institutes supported my genuine passion for learning and gave me access to knowledgable people. On the other hand, I perceived these institutes to be competitive, elitist, strictly regulated and convention bound. Without trying to say that these qualities are all inherently negative, it is the case that these aren’t qualities that I personally tend to seek out when I’m looking to engage in a particular activity.
I’ve come face to face with this dilemma again, because I recently went to some environmental activism conferences and had a great time. People were passionate, enthusiastic, encouraging and inclusive. The subject matter was very meaningful to me personally. Thinking aobut it today, I realized that, among other things, I am feeling cynical about acadmia. According to answers.com, the primary definition of the word cynical is: “Believing or showing the belief that people are motivated chiefly by base or selfish concerns; skeptical of the motives of others…”. In this blog entry I want to challenge this belief. Where is this belief coming from? Is it really fair or accurate?
Let’s see. As I’ve said above, one of my turn offs with respect to academia is that it is exclusive and, I believe, elitist. It’s pretty hard to argue against the first label. Academia excludes people from various things (entrance to university, entrance to graduate programs, access to funding, access to tenure) based on various measures of intelligence and ability. As well, academia is- or maybe I should be more circumspect and say that people in academia often are- arguably elitist, which is to say that they “[despise] people or things regarded as inferior, especially because of social or intellectual pretensions”. Thus it displays elitism: “The belief that certain persons or members of certain classes or groups deserve favored treatment by virtue of their perceived superiority, as in intellect, social status, or financial resources”. The key word there is ‘deserve’, which is quite different from actually just getting the favoured treatment.
Now, I understand that the argument for exclusion is that there is a scarcity of resources and support. Certain people can make best use of the limited resources and support, so those are the people who should have access to them. This, in turn, is most beneficial to society as a whole. And how do we make sure that only the best users have access? We test them, and we make them compete with each other for the available support and resources, whatever they may be. This seems like a pretty straightforward, utilitarian system.
I also understand several other things. First of all, these exclusionary practices don’t necessarily need to lead to people being elitist. Mind you, I do think it very strongly encourages people to feel elitist. That’s because its easy to think that the fact that we have a scarcity of resources, and thus resort to competitive behaviours, means that those who are chosen or who win are inherently better or more worthy human beings than those who are not.
Second I understand that it’s possible that, given our scarcity of resources, this is a system that works okay for our society. I’m fairly equal opportunity with respect to various social systems. Most systems have their pros and cons. And, I should add, I have no interest at all in condemning or criticizing people who thrive in and enjoy this system. I think that is perfectly okay, too. There are lots of people who are happy with academia as it is, and I don’t begrudge them that.
My real issue is that this is simply not the sort of system that tends to most fully motivate me. The more intensely competitive the situation gets- to put it bluntly, the more I really have to work as hard as I can to actively compete, and the higher the stakes are if I lose- the less motivation I seem to feel. Who knows, maybe it’s as simple as “If I can’t win for sure, I don’t want to play.” Or maybe it’s a simple as “I’m lazy. before I could compete easily, but now that I have to work too hard, I don’t want to play”. I’m certainly willing to give those two options their due. Competitive Jen and Lazy Jen should not be denied! However, I don’t think it’s that simple. I have a long history of doing competitive things that I suck at, simply because I love to do those things. Any sports activity you care to name comes to mind. I also have a long history of putting significant energy into things that are completely voluntary, again, because I love to do those things.
I think the problem for me comes when the message is “If you don’t win, then you won’t be allowed to play at all, and we’ll decide you are worth less than us.” This is quite different from a situation where, if you lose, well, you lose, but then you can play again and nobody sweats too much about it- a situation where the other players don’t decide that you are an inferior human being, and therefore don’t deserve as much in life as them.
I think that this is actually the big road block for me, as well as the source of my cynism. In fact, to re-phrase my second quote above, I think what is going on in my head is: “Now that it is more challenging for me to compete, there is more likelyhood that I will fail, and then people will de-value me.” Ooh! That further suggests to me that the real problem is that *I* am, in fact, harbouring elitist sentiments somewhere, and will actually de-value myself, which would probably be much worse than just other people de-valuing me. Aha! projection! Freud and Jung would be proud! If that’s the case, then perhaps my motivation will increase if I decide to have respect for myself even if I compete and fail. Hmmm. Something to think about.
So- I have no great wrap up or conclusion here, but I feel I have dented my cynicism perhaps a little bit. Whatever else is the case, all of this is why I tend to like looking at sites like the one for The society for amateur scientists. This makes me feel happy. No matter which way you cut it, I just like the idea of people doing something because they want to do it and it is meaningful to them. Check it out!
posted at 13:47 on Thu, 09 Feb, 2006 |
path: /living
All material copyrighted by Jen Schellinck. All rights reserved.